Public Transport Jokes!

We talk serious of public transport lately but, today someone actually made me laugh when I was told this joke:

A man arrived back from a long overseas holiday at Sydney International Airport and was at the taxi rank. He was well dressed and well spoken as he approached the relaxed taxi driver, he asked, ' How much for my luggage to Penrith, please?'

The tax driver was so pleased as he was waiting for about one hour for a journey for customer to take and excitedly replied,' For you sir, it's free!'

"Good', replied the man, " I'll travel on public transport and leave the luggage with you!'

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A bus displaying the sign 'Prepay' as a commuter boarding the bus then asked,' Isn't is free?'.

The bus driver interrupted and said, 'Everything is user-pay! So you have to pay-unless you already paid!'

The commuter said, 'So we have to pay for the distance we go?'

The  bus driver quickly responded,'Yes!'

The commuter then responded, 'Well I'm getting off here as I thought it was free - pay as per your  front sign!'

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What does a mother of an unborn baby and a driver of a train both have to be careful with?

Miss Carriages!
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Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Training
Training who?
Training wherever you want to!
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Why do people stand in a taxi stand?
Because there is no where to sit except inside the taxi!
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A patient visited his doctor and advised he gets private transport pains and then falls over when travelling whilst paying for maintenance costs to his ex-wife and yet no issues with public transport.

The doctor asked,' How long does the pain last last for?'

The patient replied. ' A whole trip!
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What stop drivers of public transport go straight?

Going round the bend!!!!
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Knock! Knock!
Who's there!
Taxi!
Taxi who?
Taxi fare is up - now pay!
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What sport takes takes you to a public sporting event?
Public Transport!
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What happens to a bus when it gets exhausted from a journey?
It rests at a bus stop!
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Why don't commuters sit while waiting for the taxi  to arrive?
Because they are waiting for the taxi to stand!
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Why was the train upset with the bus and taxi?
Because they didn't wait at the Railway 'Crossing'!
*********************************************************************************Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Bus!
Bus who?
Bus off!
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One day old aged Mrs McGillicuddy had a parrot, so she took the parrot everywhere she went, so he could learn!

She decided she needed to get a taxi to go to the butchers and as she couldn't speak much herself, as she arrived at the butcher she asked for '5 kg of sausages' he wrapped it and gave to her. She then re-entered the taxi, gave the directions going back home as 'Going Down Down!'

As she reach her home , she rushed upstairs to her toilet, sat down and the parrot said (waiting outside the toilet),' 5 kilograms of sausages going down, down, down!
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One day Peter the bus driver was having this last day on the job. He had planned what he would for his last rip for the last couple weeks, knowing he wouldn't be fired.

So he travelled along his route picking commuters and when they produced their fare, he advised them it was free transport and fares weren't needed to be paid.

The Prime Minister of the day was obsessed with the sudden growth of the population the country had and made a special announcement that anyone who is thinking of retiring today, we need you to  delay your retirement for another 2 years.

When Peter returned to the Bus depot he was told of this new policy from the Government of that day, explained his free fare day and his employer  gave time a very expensive one-way ticket home!